Story of a WORKAHOLIC!!

I am a workaholic!! I get into my suicidal tendencies when i am not given any work.....i get into acute depression when my brain is stagnant!!! I feel as if the diseases have surrounded me with all their machine guns and snipers fully loaded...waiting to fire at me. The only difference is they just threaten to kill...they do not actually kill. And the period when you anticipate your death is the most dreadful of all. I love being in organization groups. I love planning things out. i love waiting for things to happen as i have planned them. I love to make my brain think.

And i did a grave mistake of conveying this to some of my elders.....they said-“do something creative”........Well, i got many creative ideas-

a.watch television with repeating ekta-kapoor type serials even on the news channels (i bet you she must have bought the news channels too!!!!)

b.watch oggy and the cockroaches on “cartoon network”(i gotta be kidding myself!!!), watch the music channels who go on playing the same songs and i get sick of changing channels

c. watch the sports channels which display ”this channel is not available in your package”(they  vend those serial channels so cheap.....and sell the sports channels as if only privileged class people are allowed to see sports!!!) or....

d.i can wash my clothes which are stinking, courtesy my exams!!

My brain is rotting in stagnation!!!!then how am i supposed to think creative????!!!!

And i am not to be mistaken as someone who does loads of work every day.......i am not the great Sherlock Holmes who literally dies when he is out of work. if i got a class at 8.50 in the morning....even though i bunk them....but at night before sleeping i at least plan to bunk or not. That is kind of “work” i am referring to!!!!

Another peculiar thing that i have noticed is-on general days when i have a tight schedule due to my academics, i write much more articles and poems (i am a self-proclaimed writer!!cheers!!)than on the days when i am free. Now what does this say about me?? That i work good under pressure?? No!!!!!it says that i am fucking insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GOD bless me!!!!!

First i complain that i have no work and take up lots of work. Then the work gets me worked up and i think of giving up the work. But i fail in giving up the work since i love doing work. Then i grumble about the work because i get over-worked. If the work is stripped off me then i loathe being not in work!!!!!

PS-congos if you crossed the fiery article and reached here...... sure would have got your brain “worked up”...;)

“Lost and found: GOD”

this poem is dedicated to all those incarnations of GOD who make this world a lovely place to live in......"MAA"

Oh god! Where are you?

Mom says you are everywhere,

then why can't i see you,

however hard i stare?

Then why do they even care,

About going temples & singing prayer?

Why can’t they decorate my computer like your house?

Why can’t they sing it while watching tom cat & jerry mouse?

Why in temples we pay the priests,

And discard the beggars like some weeds,

Are they not where you reside,

Or is it upon us to decide??

Is it something special in the morning?

That i have to pray in school assembly which is boring.

Is it necessary that we stand in a queue?

As if we are paying something which is due.

I go to the doctor uncle when i’m hurt,

But why at first your name does my mom blurt?

Do you have many bodyguards in your vicinity?

That mom asks you every time for my security.

What did you give my mom in her life?

That she thanks you so much all the time.

Why is that i can’t wear my underwear like superman?

Why did you give him all the powers,

and made me a normal human?

Why do you have so many names?

Are you another Ricky Bahl playing dirty games?

Mom says you control the world,

Then why is the govt. increasing the petrol price?

Why are the black things on a rise?

And why did you let my snowy die??:’(

Oh god! Where are you?

If you are everywhere,

Then why can’t i see you?

Are you a John Cena fan,

Who says “You can’t see me”?

Or are you the ghost in my infancy,

Which never came to kidnap me?

If you are there then prove it to me,

I’ll close my eyes and count one, two, three,

Come and show me your face,

I have many many things to express,

ONE, TWOOOO & THREE!!!

“what have you been doing??”

“uh, MOM...i was just remembering....................YOU”...

BEING 21...!!

371

372

373......

DAD: lets go....

Finally the wait was over........wondering what’s all that?? Well, all that is a part of being 21!!!

The other night my family went out to dinner accompanied by another . Among the 7 persons present, 4 were females and 3 were males.......more importantly the males were 40+.....

So, there i was...standing adrift....gazing at the road.....counting the number of cars passing my imaginary toll gate (for free!!)....

My problem was very damn simple- “i am 21....!!”

If you are a guy my age, i guess the above sentence would be self-explanatory. Boy, its hell out there for guys of my age. We are a damned species which are capable of only mingling with our types. It’s an age where you cannot stand by your sister and your mother while they talk to others in their tribe about the never-ending saas-bahu sagas and serials and of course marriage......it’s an age where you can’t stand by your father talking to his colleagues about work (for god’s sake you are in a break!!!stop talking work!!) ......it’s not the age where you can stand by the li’l boys who do nothing other than making a lot of fake noise while discussing the latest gizmos and WWE......... and certainly not by the girls who, in the whole world, discuss about the count of their dolls and how the one they had was broken by the neighbourhood badmaash!!!!(plz grow up soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Our species which has a particular jargon has been the bête noire for those who do not belong to it since time immemorial!!! Unless you have someone in those stupid family meets who knows how it is to be 21, how it is to thrive with the hostile hostel food, how it is to have kick-ass fun with friends, how it is to have girl”friend”-issues, how it is to abuse without any purpose......you would be bored to a beyond death experience!!

So, next time you are in a situation i was in......best of luck counting the cars!!!...:p

P.S.-i even counted the number of lighting sources......144!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

You brought me to this place,

And it’s under your caring gaze,

I learned all the tricks and trades,

To live in this world full of spades....

I don’t remember my crying days,

When on your lap i laid,

And you made me eat,

With your tender arms,

With all the patience and infinite charms.....

You played with me when i was bored,

You picked me up when i was thrown,

You made me laugh when i was crying,

You gave me courage when i was triying...

And here i am,old enough to take my care,

But you will always be in my prayer,

I wish you live a hundred years,

And hope those years would be bereft of tears......

You are a bird and i am a feather,

I will always be your part,

As i wish you mother......

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.

indian railways:har safar me magic!!

As the train left the station, me and my friends after a hectic 3-day visit to berhampur began settling down at the topmost tier........the compartment was brimming with people of all classes......and since it was late night nobody cared making any remarks as generally happens in a train. Just when i was about to close my eyes to a dream of lullaby i was pulled back to life by a gentleman with a loudspeaker-like voice.....he was probably in mid-40s with ruffled hair and a white shirt dipped in brown dust......he was literally shouting-“mui enu basithili”(sambalpuri)........to which the man sitting on the seat was not responding.......he once again shouted at the top of his voice which probably made the man notice him this time.......he looked at the man in white shirt and gave him a puzzled look and said-“mousa kana hela??”...........

so, there i was sitting in a train where two parts of odisha were trying to communicate over the matter of seat occupancy. Since i happen to know a bit of sambalpuri-accent(thanks to my sambalpuri friends at hostel) i stepped in and did the needful. Soon the thunderous uncle melted down and to my surprise mr.sambalpuri and mr.cuttacki were having a fruitful discussion over family matters in not-so-fluent hindi.

after some time the train stopped at some station (i was too lazy to come down and look at what station it was) and there boarded another gentleman. He took his seat by the side of mr.sambalpuri and asked mr.cuttacki “agyan kuuade parjanta jiba ki he??” .....its not possible to describe the accent over here but it invited puzzled looks from both the uncles sitting there.

so here was a certain mr.berhampuri who was on board with mr.sambalpuri and mr.cuttacki.  Mr.cuttacki initiated a hindi conversation with mr.berhampuri and soon all three of them were having a gala time in their not-so-perfect hindi just like they have met again after ages.

We all would have heard and most certainly read about how Indian railways has played the role of unification of india in our history classes. We would even have observed how different states and cities exist symbiotically for a small time in the Indian railways. But what i was witnessing was the micro-mini version of that unification. Every state has some divides......may be on the basis of accents, or dialects, or style of living etc etc......and the state railways was coercing the amalgamation of the divides. The three uncles may not become the best of friends but they did prove one thing.......we may classify ourselves into a hundred categories.....”fir bhi dil hai Hindustani!!”(or in this case “odishi”)

guide to a girl's vocabulary

A physicist can certainly simplify the theory of parallel universe or the theory of relativity for you......a biologist can certainly explain the complex mechanisms of a biological creature to you.......an economics teacher can of course state an intriguing problem of the diabolic economics system in an easy-to-understand way.....but.......none....i repeat....none can ever explain, make easy-to-understand, state, simplify, account, describe, report, distinguish or decipher what goes on in a girl’s ‘emotionally brainiac’ mind!!!

They want a thing, they think the other, they say something else, and they mean none!! Oh yea......welcome to a girl’s mind.....where 2+2 may be 232435423455644534.....(you never know)!! Well, the poor man is many a times the prey of the feigned vocabulary of women. So in this times of great difficulty where global warming is threatening to wipe out the whole human race, where the arms race is blinding the greater notions of sociology in humans, where sheela is getting ”jawan” and munni is getting “badnaam” (sorry chameli.....i decided to go with the originals!!).....the ‘man’kind certainly needs a “girl’s dictionary”-

1-ok.......bye....-if that is said in a falling tone over the phone and your bad luck decides to act such devil as to disconnect the call at that time....then dude, YOU ARE S.C.R.E.W.E.D!! When a girl says so in a sad voice she means-“talk to me damn it else i am gonna kill you!!”.

2-nayyyy.....it was my fault- and if you ever agree to it what you face next shall be worse than the atom bomb dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Never ever agree that it was her fault......what she actually means is-“you better apologise fast !!”

3-how do i look??- Your only option is to declare that even if Cinderella would have existed, she would have beaten her to the title of miss universe. She does ask for an opinion but she takes only one answer. If you want to be doomed then you may take the risk of vying your other options. Best of luckJ

4-we are just friends- it’s almost an age-old saying!! The Bollywood has repeatedly proved this fact deceptive. Starting from the yesteryear movies like “kuch kuch hota hai” to the recent movie “jane tu ya jane naa” to the even recent movie “mujhse fraandship karoge”.....this genre of Bollywood has sternly established the fact that-‘a guy and a girl can never be the best of friends’. So, next time you happen to hear it from a girl......take your chances....

5-so what’s the big deal??- you may have faced an accident and it may not be a big deal.......but even if a girl has only just witnessed an accident and she says it was a big deal then DO NOT oppose her......you would entitle yourself for another horrible accident if you do so!!

6-i just want sometime alone- nope!! She wants you to be with her till she cries her heart out. Girls may be cunning in manipulation but have hearts of 24 carat gold when it comes to dealing with the ones they love. They would never admit that they need you to be there.....you gotta catch the signs....and just be there for your friend J

7-i don’t have a boyfriend- it’s still a mystery as to why a girl generally refuses ‘possessing’ a boyfriend even when she has one. While many girls may disagree.....but that’s the guy verdict i took on this(i personally asked nearly 50 boys!!)

Well, now you have a perfect idea of what to think and what not to do when next time a girl utters any of these phrases.......girls indeed are funny creatures. If you come across any such ”curious case of a girl’s vocabulary” take it as your solemnised duty to share it for the betterment of the ‘man’kind...!!!!

A VISIT TO YOUR PAST

One fine day sit on the roof with no one except moon and the stars accompanying you......feel the silence and think about yourself.....how you were in your past. The best and worst thing about past is it is the reason of our present. It is the choices and decisions we made then that we are like this now. Now think how you were in the past and how are you now......and you know what would be the most common reaction after the session??....it would be-“OMG, i was such an idiot back then!!”......yes......that, my friend, would be the reaction of an average human being.......if that’s not your reaction then i am sure you are extraordinary (no offence!!). We keep evolving with the times.....we mature with our experience. Now the reason for that stupid reaction is that now we are more mature than we were in our past. That’s why we were “idiots” back then but are normal right now. A bit later in future we would term this phase as our “idiot” phase and we would have become normal then...... Truth is we never actually get over our idiot phase......we were and will always remain idiots. When i think about myself 4-5 years back i think “shiiiiii, i was such a dumbass.......i had horrible dressing sense......i never took care of how i looked......always flashed my gums.....yuck!!!!”.....not that now i am an enigmatic persona.....but i have developed what is called a decent personality......though i haven’t developed much in the dressing sense part (my sister still thinks i have a horrible dressing sense!!)....so the point is.......we will never be perfect for ourselves....those who become perfect live in a myth.

P.S.-all the personal part in the post is partly imaginary......it is not to be taken seriously.....;)

(1.i was never a dumbass

2.i never flashed my gums!!!!)