कल की तय्यारी

this is what happens when you see your rumies packing their bags and you are forced to study for a 70-mark internal!!!!

कल की तय्यारी

हो रही  है कल की तय्यारी ,

भाड़ में जाये ये  दुनिया सारी ,

इंतज़ार कर रही हैं अम्मा हमारी,

राह देख रहे हैं बापू हमारे,

लाये हैं पकवान ढेर सारे ,

लल्लू  ठेले वाले की अल्लू की टिक्की ,

और मुच्छढ  चाचा की टेढ़ी जलेबी,

रास न आए मुझे हॉस्टल का खाना,

तीन साल से चल रहा है वजन  गवाना ,

वैसे तो  हम खली के हाथ जितने मोटे थे,

दुनिया की नज़र में सिक्के खोटे थे,

पर इन हॉस्टल वालों ने ऐसे धुलाई किया,

न जाने tide, surf excel या washing powder nirma  का उपयोग किया,

घिस-घिस के वजन का तो पता नहीं,

पर दिमाग का दही ज़रूर बन गया !!


चार साल बाद जब कॉलेज से बाहर निकलेंगे ,

तो दुनिया वाले पूछेंगे, " नौकरी करने कहाँ चले?",

अब नौकरी हो तभी तो दिखाऊँ ,

अपनी खली पॉकेट का दुखड़ा में किसे सुनाऊँ ?

भैया recession का है घोर कलयुग ,

उसमे कपिल सिब्बल  बोले और IIT खोलो,

अबे  जितने manufactured  engineer  हैं,

पहले  उन्हें तो किसी में भर्ती  करा लो!!!


वैसे तो मनमोहन की सरकार की सोनिया ने ले राखी  है,

और उसके पीछे भी ममता हाथ धोके पीछे पड़ी है,

इन सब से सीख ये मिलती है प्यारे ,

की इस ज़माने में लड़कियों ने हमारी मार रखी है!!


अब इस दुनिया की हम और क्या करें बात ,

करना शुरू करें तो बीत जायेगी  रात,

ये दुनिया है मोह और माया,

इस दुनिया के वासियों पर है मायावति का साया ,

अब भाड़ में जाये दुनिया सारि ,

घर पे इंतज़ार कर रहे हैं बापू हमारे,

राह देख रही हैं अम्मा हमारी,

चलो करें कल की तय्यारी ,

घर जाने को कल की तय्यारी ।।
                                                 PUNYASLOK RATH(15-10-2012)

A chat with GOD

A chat with GOD

A fine morning with my alarm buzzing,

God visited me with a sacramental hissing,

Like a typical Bollywood masala flick,

I folded my hands and touched his feet,

And asked him on the top of my voice,

“How has here the heavens descended?

Has some random chick complained? (*wink*)

Or do you come by your own choice??”

“Khaaaamosh!!!!!!” he said in the shatrughan sinha style,

“in the heavens i read your file.

You tiny creature, you talk too high,

It is me, who made friendship,

And when with them, you challenge my might??!!

What do you think are friends of thee??!!!

They are not God, they are not me!!”

“errr...dear God, if i may interrupt,

Can i tell you what i think of my friends??”

“it better be good, it better be clean,

Tell me exactly what do they mean.”

Ok. Here it goes....

A bunch of retards,

A flock of mallards.

A drum without a membrane,

A photo without a frame.

A broken scooter,

A silent hooter.

A limited connectivity wi-fi,

A six fingered hi-five.

A damaged gramophone,

A baraat party in a mourn.

The kindergarten’s howl,

The sawariya towel.

An ever-leaking tap,

A himesh reshamiya without a cap.

A novel without an author,

A bald harry potter.

A poonam pandey movie,

A classical song gone groovy.

That’s what friends mean,

Never what you want,

Never what you think,

Never what you ask,

But all that you need.

They are a cluster of mismatch,

But with you they form a tiny patch,

Of unique understanding and bond,

Of being in happy and sorrow,

Call them today or morrow.

In your sweet world,

Where people come with statutory warning,

Of changing their colour with their meaning..

I found a bunch of epileptics,

Who can make me laugh,

Even on the day of apocalypse!!

Patiently hearing me till i had said,

The almighty God now sat on my bed,

“now i see the reason for your stubborn,

Now i see the reason you challenge my might..

But since i am angry,

I ought to give you a treat,

And you are late to the director’s class,

Since it’s already eight!!”

And lo!!!holy mother of shit!!!

God turned into an alarm clock,

When my friend kicked me in my butt!!

“i’m going, you sleeping princess,

Best of luck attending the class,

If at all you can save your ass!!!”

                                   PUNYASLOK RATH(22-09-12)

A PERFECT DAY

“Well,then define your perfect day!!” my mom said.....and at this point of time i had already ran through hundreds of wish-lists and events in my mind to make my day a perfect one....but alas......with every new second my voracious mind would come up with something better!!  “come on......be faster”.....my mother now saw me with a crooked smile......mothers i tell you, with all the experience they can simply play safe even when you think that you have got them on your hook!!....and the more i thought the more i seemed jumbled to utilise what should have been a lifetime opportunity for me.

And well, that’s the incident which brings me to this topic “A Perfect Day”. I could not define a perfect day to my mother at the instant she called for it. Of course i could have placed demands like “i want to go to the moon” or “i want to buy the latest android phone”....but then it had to be something realistic (those demands would have been realistic for bill gates’ son!!). A day being perfect is a myth. It can always get better than that and there lies the problem. Man, perfection has always been a bitch!! An able friend of mine wrote this article on his blog-“perfectionism is killing”......well, it indeed is!! No matter how much we toil to make a day in our life a perfect one....but at the end of the day it is always something like this-“wish this would have happened too.....would have been much better”....at the end of the day we find ourselves compromising on some or the other aspects.

In the wake of this question in my mind i decided to interview some of my friends and the answers i got were hilarious indeed.......”i wish i could kill you with a newly bought AK-47!!”(that was a dear friend of mine whom i disturbed him while he was in deep sleep.....at 2 am!!).......
”i would ask for no bounds shopping for the whole day and would buy this and that and this and what not!!”(girls!!!!seriously??)......
”i would like to spent my whole day sitting in front of my computer and play counterstrike”(geeks.....what else to expect??)......
”i would ask my company to promote me and your bhabhi to put a tape on her mouth”(my sweet bro!!:-)).....

“come on....make it faster....i won’t keep waiting for you the whole day”.....my mom was sensing a victory. Soon i was going to lose my bargain power of blackmailing my mom to make me nice dishes and many things additional to that just because i am on a holiday and she was expected to make my holiday a good one....rather a perfect one. And that’s when my devil part of brain sprung into action.......”a movie with you and dad!! Is what i want...”.......my mom first saw me with bewildered eyes then gave the sweetest smile i had seen since i am here. ”Done” she said and went to call dad to book tickets. And obviously she missed out on my crooked plan-“make mom happy and she would do everything without any complaints”(devil me!!!!)

P.S.-we as our parents’ children are always allowed to take the luxury of irritating our parents....aren’t we??

Story of a WORKAHOLIC!!

I am a workaholic!! I get into my suicidal tendencies when i am not given any work.....i get into acute depression when my brain is stagnant!!! I feel as if the diseases have surrounded me with all their machine guns and snipers fully loaded...waiting to fire at me. The only difference is they just threaten to kill...they do not actually kill. And the period when you anticipate your death is the most dreadful of all. I love being in organization groups. I love planning things out. i love waiting for things to happen as i have planned them. I love to make my brain think.

And i did a grave mistake of conveying this to some of my elders.....they said-“do something creative”........Well, i got many creative ideas-

a.watch television with repeating ekta-kapoor type serials even on the news channels (i bet you she must have bought the news channels too!!!!)

b.watch oggy and the cockroaches on “cartoon network”(i gotta be kidding myself!!!), watch the music channels who go on playing the same songs and i get sick of changing channels

c. watch the sports channels which display ”this channel is not available in your package”(they  vend those serial channels so cheap.....and sell the sports channels as if only privileged class people are allowed to see sports!!!) or....

d.i can wash my clothes which are stinking, courtesy my exams!!

My brain is rotting in stagnation!!!!then how am i supposed to think creative????!!!!

And i am not to be mistaken as someone who does loads of work every day.......i am not the great Sherlock Holmes who literally dies when he is out of work. if i got a class at 8.50 in the morning....even though i bunk them....but at night before sleeping i at least plan to bunk or not. That is kind of “work” i am referring to!!!!

Another peculiar thing that i have noticed is-on general days when i have a tight schedule due to my academics, i write much more articles and poems (i am a self-proclaimed writer!!cheers!!)than on the days when i am free. Now what does this say about me?? That i work good under pressure?? No!!!!!it says that i am fucking insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GOD bless me!!!!!

First i complain that i have no work and take up lots of work. Then the work gets me worked up and i think of giving up the work. But i fail in giving up the work since i love doing work. Then i grumble about the work because i get over-worked. If the work is stripped off me then i loathe being not in work!!!!!

PS-congos if you crossed the fiery article and reached here...... sure would have got your brain “worked up”...;)

“Lost and found: GOD”

this poem is dedicated to all those incarnations of GOD who make this world a lovely place to live in......"MAA"

Oh god! Where are you?

Mom says you are everywhere,

then why can't i see you,

however hard i stare?

Then why do they even care,

About going temples & singing prayer?

Why can’t they decorate my computer like your house?

Why can’t they sing it while watching tom cat & jerry mouse?

Why in temples we pay the priests,

And discard the beggars like some weeds,

Are they not where you reside,

Or is it upon us to decide??

Is it something special in the morning?

That i have to pray in school assembly which is boring.

Is it necessary that we stand in a queue?

As if we are paying something which is due.

I go to the doctor uncle when i’m hurt,

But why at first your name does my mom blurt?

Do you have many bodyguards in your vicinity?

That mom asks you every time for my security.

What did you give my mom in her life?

That she thanks you so much all the time.

Why is that i can’t wear my underwear like superman?

Why did you give him all the powers,

and made me a normal human?

Why do you have so many names?

Are you another Ricky Bahl playing dirty games?

Mom says you control the world,

Then why is the govt. increasing the petrol price?

Why are the black things on a rise?

And why did you let my snowy die??:’(

Oh god! Where are you?

If you are everywhere,

Then why can’t i see you?

Are you a John Cena fan,

Who says “You can’t see me”?

Or are you the ghost in my infancy,

Which never came to kidnap me?

If you are there then prove it to me,

I’ll close my eyes and count one, two, three,

Come and show me your face,

I have many many things to express,

ONE, TWOOOO & THREE!!!

“what have you been doing??”

“uh, MOM...i was just remembering....................YOU”...

BEING 21...!!

371

372

373......

DAD: lets go....

Finally the wait was over........wondering what’s all that?? Well, all that is a part of being 21!!!

The other night my family went out to dinner accompanied by another . Among the 7 persons present, 4 were females and 3 were males.......more importantly the males were 40+.....

So, there i was...standing adrift....gazing at the road.....counting the number of cars passing my imaginary toll gate (for free!!)....

My problem was very damn simple- “i am 21....!!”

If you are a guy my age, i guess the above sentence would be self-explanatory. Boy, its hell out there for guys of my age. We are a damned species which are capable of only mingling with our types. It’s an age where you cannot stand by your sister and your mother while they talk to others in their tribe about the never-ending saas-bahu sagas and serials and of course marriage......it’s an age where you can’t stand by your father talking to his colleagues about work (for god’s sake you are in a break!!!stop talking work!!) ......it’s not the age where you can stand by the li’l boys who do nothing other than making a lot of fake noise while discussing the latest gizmos and WWE......... and certainly not by the girls who, in the whole world, discuss about the count of their dolls and how the one they had was broken by the neighbourhood badmaash!!!!(plz grow up soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Our species which has a particular jargon has been the bête noire for those who do not belong to it since time immemorial!!! Unless you have someone in those stupid family meets who knows how it is to be 21, how it is to thrive with the hostile hostel food, how it is to have kick-ass fun with friends, how it is to have girl”friend”-issues, how it is to abuse without any purpose......you would be bored to a beyond death experience!!

So, next time you are in a situation i was in......best of luck counting the cars!!!...:p

P.S.-i even counted the number of lighting sources......144!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

You brought me to this place,

And it’s under your caring gaze,

I learned all the tricks and trades,

To live in this world full of spades....

I don’t remember my crying days,

When on your lap i laid,

And you made me eat,

With your tender arms,

With all the patience and infinite charms.....

You played with me when i was bored,

You picked me up when i was thrown,

You made me laugh when i was crying,

You gave me courage when i was triying...

And here i am,old enough to take my care,

But you will always be in my prayer,

I wish you live a hundred years,

And hope those years would be bereft of tears......

You are a bird and i am a feather,

I will always be your part,

As i wish you mother......

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.